onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
