I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
