you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
