so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
