She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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