I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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