Where is the hickey?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
