I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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