She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
