I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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