Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
