8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
