he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
