i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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