And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
