Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
