I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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