Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
