i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
