The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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