So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
