I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
