Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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