in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
