she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dicks are not precious.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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