Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize