I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
