Betty ford says i'm here all night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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