White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
