you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
