i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
