Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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