you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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