i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
