Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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