I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
