I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
