just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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