I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
