when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just tell him i said nine months
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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