20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's great music for shaving your balls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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