Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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