i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
