nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
