do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
