I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
