you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
