Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
