I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
