he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
