you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
