I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
