Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
