So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
