Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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