how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
