Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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