Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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