So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
