I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
