We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
