Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
