I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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