theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
