i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
