well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
