What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
