No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
