Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
