It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
