I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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