There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
