I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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